As a First-Gen Latina, admitting you need help doesn’t come easy, let alone accepting it. In this post I’m going to share why it’s so difficult and how to accept help so you don’t do everything alone!
When it comes to navigating life, there may come a time when we might need help. As a First-Gen Latina, chances are you’ve seen your parents overcome many obstacles in order to survive in a new country. You’ve probably compared yourself to their life journey and have felt defeat. Our parents’ generation seemed to live a faster life, if you will. By your current age, they were raising more than one child in a new country without knowing the language or having resources you have access to.
Why is it so difficult
If you have compared yourself to your parents’ journey, that is a cause of you not wanting to accept help. You probably have self-imposed pressure to figure things out on your own. Living in a digital age doesn’t help either. We are bombarded with everyone’s life highlights on a daily basis, causing us to assume everyone has their shit together except us. For this and many other reasons, accepting help can be difficult.
Some other reasons why it’s hard to accept help are the following:
- Vulnerability- Not wanting to be in the “mercy” or “control” of others and have them judge you for needing help.
- Guilt- Feeling ashamed and guilty for needing help.
- Unworthiness- Feeling like you don’t deserve help from others for whatever reason.
- Rejection- If people aren’t offering help, you may fear asking for it because you fear being rejected.
There is nothing wrong with asking for and accepting help. It is easier said than done but continue reading for more.
How to accept help
Determine what you’re feeling
When you are in need of help and you can’t seem to ask for it, take a moment to go within and figure out where the resistance is coming from. Allow yourself to see things differently without judgment and notice what you actually feel in your body. You may find that you feel tightness or a heaviness in your body.
Then determine why you’re feeling that way. You may find that it’s due to one of the reasons mentioned above. You fear being vulnerable, feel guilty or unworthiness to accept help. Once you determine the cause of the pushback, gaining that awareness can be an invitation to change. Maybe a quick EFT tapping session or a free writing journaling session will help you overcome the resistance you hold inside.
Think of the other person
Next, you need to recognize that people actually get pleasure out of helping others. “Studies show that volunteering, donating money, or even just thinking about donating money can release feel-good brain chemicals and activate the part of the brain stimulated by the pleasures of food and sex” according to The New York Times.
By not accepting help, you are taking a feel good opportunity from that person. I first heard that from a former colleague of mine. She was one of the most independent women I’ve met. Someone told her this info and that’s all it took for her to change her ways. Think about it, how did it feel for you last time you helped a friend or loved one?
Recognize you’re not alone
Everyone needs help at one point or another. Don’t let society determine when it’s “okay” to ask for help. Sometimes people think that they can only ask for help during major life events such as having a baby or after experiencing a traumatic event. There’s no right or wrong time to ask for help.
Another thing to recognize is that accepting help is a very courageous thing to do. By accepting help you are showing that you are secure in yourself. You are aware that you are worthy and deserving. There is nothing wrong with accepting help.
Practice asking and receiving
Now that you are secure in yourself after determining your feelings, and have recognized you are not alone, it’s time to ask for help. In the beginning it will feel uncomfortable. This is a muscle that requires practice. Choose the person you want to ask and begin the conversation sharing the challenge you’re currently going through. Recognize that the worst thing that can happen is getting a “no” from the person but remember that this has nothing to do with your worthiness.
Receiving help also requires practice. You may find that receiving help feels an unexpected type of way. Maybe asking for help was the easy part compared to receiving it. Go back to determining your feelings and the root cause of them if you find that receiving help feels difficult for you.
Pay it forward
It can help to decide to pay it forward after accepting help. Yes, you can also repay the person who has helped you out but be careful not to accept the help with that sole intention. That circumstance has unworthiness vibes so check yourself and make sure you’re accepting help with the right intentions.
By deciding to pay it forward, you are choosing to help any other person in the future. This can not only bring a sense of ease when accepting help, but you’ll also benefit from the pleasure of helping others. It’s better to pay it forward as opposed to returning the favor.
So there you have it. Now you know how to accept help without feeling guilty or wrong about it. It has taken me years to be able to accept help from my parents without feeling shame or guilt. This is the year I decided to change my mindset around that and it has felt so liberating.
I guess you can say I decided to stop feeling guilt and shame. It took having an honest and open dialogue with them about it to learn that they enjoy helping me. They straight up told me all they want is to see me (and my siblings) happy. I didn’t want to accept those facts before, but I finally decided to this year. I also told myself they’re investing in me and I’ll repay them in the future. (I don’t necessarily recommend you doing that, I’m just sharing what has worked for me thus far lol).
I’m curious to know your thoughts on this post. Feel free to let me know by DM’ing me and follow me on Instagram! Do you find it easy to accept help? What are some things you’ve done to get to that point? If you’re currently struggling, try the tips in this post. I hope they help!
Let’s work together!
- If you’re really ready to create the life you want
- If you want to increase your happiness and feel more confident in who you are
- If you want to trust yourself more and live on purpose
I can help you! Schedule your clarity call to work with me HERE!