After giving the full scoop about my broken engagement, I realized I didn’t include any takeaways. I gave all the details regarding my journey with ending a 2 year engagement (7 year relationship). In this post I’m going to share some valuable takeaways that will help you navigate ending a long term relationship.
I needed to do “part two” of last week’s blog mainly because once I got into it, I realized it was a pretty long post. Therefore, I decided to dedicate a separate post on the takeaways you need to know from my broken engagement. The intention for this post is for you to learn from my mistakes. As you learned in the previous blog, it took me around a year to end my long term relationship. A WHOLE YEAR. I don’t want you to follow those steps.
There were so many factors that contributed to waiting that long, one of the main ones being the feeling of trying to “make it work.” Focusing on the length of time we were together (7 years total) instead of how my heart and intuition felt. That’s why I decided to publicly open up about all this in the first place. I want you to learn from my mistakes of not listening to my intuition when I should’ve. Please learn from my experiences and take what resonates. Here are some takeaways from my broken engagement.
It’s okay to change your mind
The main thing I want you to take away from my broken engagement is that it’s okay to change your mind. We are complex humans and no amount of time can excuse the feelings you have. If your intuition begins to tell you to move on, then it’s time to do that. Yes, you may have loved your partner and thought they were “the one” at some point, but if you tried making things work to no avail, it’s okay to move on.
Communication is key
Having open and honest communication is vital when you are in a committed long term relationship. If you didn’t grow up witnessing this, you can still learn this skill. It will take time and practice but it is worth it. Being completely honest with your partner from the very beginning is super important because you both get to figure out how to proceed. You may find that you both are on the same page in terms of wanting to make things work.
Either way, the more you communicate, the less blindsided your partner will be if/when you decide to ultimately end the relationship (if it comes down to that). Having honest communication is what prevents drama and unexpected reactions. There really aren’t negatives when it comes to communicating your needs and wants in your relationship. Just remember, delivery matters so make sure you choose a time and space when you’re both calm and have plenty of time to talk until the conversation feels complete naturally.
It’s going to be hard
The next takeaway I want you to recognize is that ending a long term relationship is going to be hard. I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s the truth. Even if you both are on board with going your separate ways, it will be a process to transition back into being single. Especially after sharing your life with someone for years. There will be a grieving process of the identity you had in the relationship. Not only that, but you’ll grieve the broken dreams that didn’t come to be. Especially if you were engaged.
The “right time” doesn’t exist
If you are in the position where you want to end your relationship, I need you to know that there’s not “right time” to do it. This is what holds many people back from ending the relationship, speaking from experience. It took me around a year from the moment I decided to end the engagement until having the final conversation leading to him moving out. I kept trying to “make it work” and then ultimately once I realized I needed to just end it, I STILL was trying to find the “right time.”
Well, I hate to break it to you but there is no “right time.” If anything, the “right time” is today. Gather the courage to have difficult conversations and face whatever comes after. Doing that is better than continuing to wait for the perfect moment that may never come. Focus on how you’ll feel afterwards, especially if you’ve been feeling stressed, heavy and anxious all this time.
It’ll be worth it
When it’s all said and done, it will all be worth it. Your intuition is always right. It has been waiting for you to take action and once you finally do, despite the pain and other challenges you’ll face, it will be worth it. Even when it feels scary to be single again because it feels like you’re “starting over,” it still feels liberating no longer carrying that heavy weight on your shoulders. You’ll get to have a fresh start, which is a good thing.
With time, after healing, you’ll get to rediscover who you are. You’ll have the freedom to literally do and be whoever you want. You get to explore your interests and new things you didn’t get to try during your relationship. You get to reconnect with friends and family and simply enjoy life. Then when you feel ready and begin to date again, eventually you’ll find the partner that was meant for you all along and it’ll all make sense. It’s all worth it at the end.
One final thought I have about my broken engagement takeaways is that it’s not selfish to choose yourself. As difficult as it is to embark on ending a long term relationship, it benefits everyone around you. By listening to your intuition and following your heart, you’ll get to a much better space, which will benefit not only you but everyone in your world. It isn’t serving anyone staying unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship that doesn’t serve you. So gather up the courage to take the necessary action to live the life you deserve to live.
If you’re looking for support with any of this, I have space for 2 private coaching clients so book your consultation call here. Feel free to DM me on Instagram at any time with questions or feedback. And finally, make sure you sign up for my newsletter so you never miss a blog post or other things I’m up to! Thank you for reading!
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